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Christmas is usually a time spent with family and
close friends who feel like family. Hopefully, this
time is filled with joy. Sometimes, though, the Christmas
season can be filled with tension.
- Maybe family members don't get along, and you
wish you could have picked your own family.
- Maybe family members have recently passed on or
are not able to be with you, leaving you alone or
the "odd man out."
- Maybe your family includes so much diversity,
due to time and distance apart, that getting together
always feels like a chore instead of a treat.
- And maybe you're happy with your family and love
them, but wish that some things could be better.
Regardless of our unique situations, we all can have
a better understanding of what true family is. We
all can improve our relationships with family members
(or with friends who we think of as family), even
if they are already pretty good. If we, individually,
strive to make our interactions with our family more
harmonious, we will have a positive affect not only
at Christmas, but throughout the year.
Identifying what we want from our family is a
starting point. What do we want from our parents,
siblings, relatives, and friends? Don't we want to
feel loved by them, to have a place where we can be
ourselves, to feel encouraged and appreciated, to
be able to talk with them and be understood? Don't
we also want to love them and give back to them?
Then we must do for them what we want for ourselves.
We must love, appreciate, listen, and understand
our family members. We can't afford to wait for someone
else to make the first move. If everyone waits, nothing
will happen.
Let's determine what really makes a family successful.
Here are some qualities:
- Unconditional love -- love without any strings
or conditions attached to it
- Happiness and harmony that eliminate fighting
or arguing
- Good communication, which starts with good listening
that enables family members to share ideas, concerns,
dreams, and feelings without having to feel defensive
- Respect for each other -- respect for parents,
siblings, children
- Encouragement and appreciation, which helps each
one be his or her best self
- Structure and discipline that provide a moral
foundation with guidelines
- A safe environment that allows each member to
explore his or her unique individuality, to make
mistakes, to grow, and to share
- Teamwork, which encourages doing things together
as a family unit and allows the family to get through
challenges together
- Laughter and having fun together
- A spiritual foundation based upon trust in God,
which also gives us a knowledge of what family truly
is
Putting God at the center of our family is the
single most important action we can take to make our
family harmonious and healthy. Trusting in God
completely, even if His directions seem counterintuitive
to us, will help us bring the rest of these qualities
into our experience.
The Christmas story reveals how trust in God established
a family who would change the world. Joseph, Mary,
and Jesus faced and overcame many significant challenges
with grace and confidence and provided a model for
us to follow. (The story is found in order in the
two gospels: Luke 1, Matt. 1, Luke 2:1-20, Matt.2:1-23,
Luke 2:21-38, Matt. 2:13-23, Luke 2:39-52 which tells
of Jesus in the temple at age 12.)
Listening to God's voice, to His angels, enabled
Joseph, Mary, and Jesus to become a family in the
first place. Mary and Joseph were engaged, and
as moral individuals, had not yet had sex. So when
an angel told Mary she was going to have a child by
the Holy Spirit, Mary was surprised, to say the least
(Luke 1:26-35). While most of us would flip if we
were told that, Mary, who had devoted her life to
God and trusted God, listened to the angel's words:
"Do not be afraid…. For with God nothing
will be impossible" (KJV Luke 1:30, 37). These
ideas must have given her courage, for Mary expressed
humility and graciously accepted the responsibility
that would go along with giving birth to a child whose
fatherhood was completely divine.
Joseph also listened to the angels and obeyed their
directions. When Joseph discovered that his fiancé
was pregnant, he knew the child was not his. Before
he took any action to correct the situation, an angel
told Joseph to marry Mary because her child was conceived
by the Holy Ghost. What trust it took to believe and
obey the angel's message (Matt:1:18-25)!
Listening to God, being humble, and following
God's directions also protected them and saved Jesus'
life. An angel told Joseph to take his family
to Egypt to save the child from Herod, who wanted
to kill him (Matt. 2:13-15). The family lived safely
in Egypt until Herod died, and an angel again directed
Joseph to take his family to Nazareth (Matt. 2:19-23).
Because Joseph and Mary put God in the center of their
lives and followed God's guidance without debate or
argument, they were blessed.
How many of us can say that we listen to God at
all times and do what He tells us without any doubt?
Yet, that's exactly what we need to do, especially
if there's a problem communicating with a family member.
When we turn to God, we need to expect to hear God's
message. Then, we need to do whatever God advises,
even if the answer surprises us. Just as God is communicating
to us, we can trust that God is communicating to others,
too. An angel talked both to Mary and Joseph separately.
There's no reason to limit God by thinking that God
only communicates to us. Remember that "with
God nothing will be impossible."
In addition to trust, love supported this family.
When Joseph found out that Mary was pregnant, he had
every right, according to the laws of the time, to
make her a "publick example" (Matt. 1:19).
But "Joseph, chagrined but noble, determined
to take care of things quietly so Mary would not be
disgraced" (The Message Matt. 1:19). Joseph was
thoughtful and respectful of Mary. He was kind. Though
he thought his fiancé had cheated on him, though
his pride was hurt, he would not ruin Mary's reputation.
What respect, what love he had for Mary! Joseph also
did not act rashly. He took time to think things over
carefully. He must have prayed, for the angel talked
with him and guided him. It was a good thing, too,
that he expressed love and respect and put her needs
above his own. Who knows what would have happened
otherwise!
Being willing to put the needs of another before
our own needs is essential in ensuring happiness and
harmony in a family. So many times someone else
in our family needs help. Often the timing is not
the best. We may be right in the middle of something
very important. But it's probably not as important
as our brother, sister, mom, or dad. Yes, we might
miss the end of a TV show; yes, we may have to hang
up the phone or get off of the computer; yes, we may
have to stay up late to finish homework. But caring
for the needs of family members is really what family
is all about. Love is the lubricant that will oil
any creaky, relational joints. It may take effort
to love our family members, or it may be quite easy.
It's amazing how the littlest things make a difference!
It's also helpful to remember that expressing love
blesses the one who does the loving.
The family atmosphere which Joseph and Mary created
was one based upon trust in God and love for God and
each other. They listened to God and followed
His lead. They worked as a team. They stayed together
because they prayed together and individually. In
this God-centered atmosphere, Jesus and his siblings,
grew. Jesus, too, listened to God's voice and obeyed
not only God, but his parents. At the age of 12, Jesus
stopped off at the Temple by himself while the rest
of his family started to leave for home after Passover
so that he could talk with the religious teachers.
When his rather distressed and worried parents finally
found him, Jesus responded:
"Why were you looking for me? Didn't you know
that I had to be here, dealing with the things of
my Father?" But they had no idea what he was
talking about.
So he went back to Nazareth with them, and lived
obediently with them…. And Jesus matured, growing
up in both body and sprit, blessed by both God and
people."
The
Message Luke 2:49-52
Obedience played an important role in Mary and
Joseph's lives, and it played an equally important
role in Jesus' life. Jesus knew that God was his
real Father. Joseph, though, had been an incredible
dad. Being obedient to his parents was one way of
showing his love for them and for God. Jesus' obedience
to his parents did not hinder his growth as an individual.
Rather, it gave him practice. Jesus' obedience to
God enabled him to do God's will, fulfill his mission,
and bless the world.
Sometimes it's hard to be obedient to our parents,
especially when we'd rather do something else. But
unless what our parents are asking us to do is morally
wrong, then obedience to them will make it easier
for us to be obedient to God. We want to be obedient
to God, for we know the great results of listening
to God and obeying his direction.
The blessings that have come to the world as a
result of this family -- Mary, Joseph, Jesus, and
some of Jesus' siblings -- are priceless. Their
family was founded on absolute trust in God. That
trust has revealed to countless generations the power
of God's love. When we make the commitment to express
the qualities that make a family successful, then
we will experience the blessings of God's love and
feel His tender care operating daily in our relationships
with our family members. As a result, our families
will be strong units able to withstand difficult challenges.
When harmony and peace have become important aspects
of our own family, then we can help bring peace to
other families -- to the whole human family. At
this time, our world desperately needs peace. We can't
wait for someone else to be a peacemaker. We must
take the first step to make our own homes harmonious.
The song by Jill Jackson and Sy Miller sung so often
at Christmas is an active prayer, reminding us that
we, as an individual in God's family, have a vital
role to play:
Let there be peace on earth,
and let it begin with me.
..................................................
With God as our Father,
brothers all are we,
Let me walk with my brother
in perfect harmony.
We can feel the presence of the angels as we make
the commitment to see all of humanity as one family
with one God and to love our family unconditionally.
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