The Bible Helped Give a Teenager Guidance to Start Over with a Relationship
Getting over a bad breakup? A teenager shares helpful insights from her experience.
Categories: Friendship, Guidance, Loving and Forgiving
I had never had a boyfriend, but people would come to me for advice on relationships. When it came time for me to be in a relationship, I felt lost. It seemed that we hit it off, but we never officially said we were boyfriend and girlfriend. We told each other our feelings and said that something more would most likely happen in the future, but not now.
I started to look at physical appearance. I thought that our relationship would be fine if my appearance were appealing. I started wondering: "Why would he like me? I'm not "America's Next Top Model." No one has liked me before, so he can't truly like me. This can't be a true relationship, right?"
I couldn't see how someone else could be interested in what I thought, what I liked, or what I wanted to do when I grew up. I tried to find faults with him and with me. Though I would talk with him and ask him questions, I ended up relying on others to do the communicating in the relationship for me. Honestly, I had totally messed up from the beginning.
As the relationship continued, I realized there was something in the mix that didn't belong – FEAR. I had never stopped worrying. I believed that nothing he ever said that was good about me could be true. I was afraid to admit that someone liked me. As time went on, the relationship seemed good. But after being separated for some time, we came back, and things had definitely changed. It seemed that he was not really interested in me any more.
I grew jealous, confused, angry, and concerned until finally, I wanted to find out the truth. So one day, I asked him a simple question: "Do you have something to tell me?" Though he remained silent for awhile, he finally told me that he didn't see anything happening between us. I felt hurt -- not because he didn't like me, but because he had planned not to tell me, to leave me hanging. He had hoped that I would just slowly slip away without asking any questions. I told him I was disappointed. I tried to open up and be friends, but he didn't really seem to care.
In the beginning of the next week, we didn't even look at each other. Even though this was happening, I didn't let it bring me down. I had taken some time to think about who I was -- God's child. No matter what he said or did, I was who God intended me to be. Knowing this, I was able to stay happy and joyful. I made sure to have lots of fun with my friends and refused to let this control me and keep me from expressing who I am as God's individual idea.
After a few days of not talking and basically ignoring each other, I started to wonder if I should talk with him or just leave it be. I asked friends, family, and even those I didn't know. None of them seemed to know the answer to my problem. Confused and frustrated, I felt the need to give up. But what good would that do? Many times it seemed that it would have been easier to give up and forget the past, but I couldn't help but think that I could lose something that I needed in the end.
So I turned to something more spiritual. The answer came by opening a book I don't usually turn to for relationship answers -- the Bible. The passage I opened to read:
If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him – work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you've made a friend. If he won't listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won't listen, tell the church. If he won't listen to the church, you'll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God's forgiving love. (The Message, Matt 18:15-17)
Now you may be thinking that this has nothing to do with my problem, but it made things clear for me. It was God telling me not to be afraid to admit my hurt, not to be afraid to confront him, and not to be afraid to have him as a friend. It was exactly what I needed to hear. Everyone else had told me that he didn't deserve me, that I needed to be mad and forget him. God told me to forgive, to lay the cards out on the table, and to make things clear between us. After receiving this clear message telling me to take action, I felt clean, so to speak – like everything sticky and gross had been completely washed away.
Having the solution, I sought to make things right between us. But to my surprise, he started it out. Instead of me having to start the friendship back up, he did. He started talking to me again. We were looking and smiling at one another again. Yes, we were rebuilding our relationship from scratch.
I feel that the first friendship was rushed and pushed by others trying to make it into something it could be but didn't need to be right away. Some may say that it's stupid to start over, but it means the world to me. I now have a friend I truly enjoy being with, and I know that God intended for us to be friends and to express individually, who we are -- God's children.
So as I live each day step by step, moment by moment, I enjoy the company and companionship I have with this amazing young man. I have learned to allow God to direct me and show me the way. I have learned to look at the person or problem as God would see us -- as perfect and pure. Yes, we go through hard times, but there is always a road that will lead us home. Things may not always turn out the way we expect them to, but that doesn't mean that they will turn out bad, either. I am ready to hear whatever God is telling me. And life is good.