How to Make Friends

By Estey Silva


Do you have any ideas on how to make new friends without stressing out about it?


I understand your predicament. When I was little, my family moved around a lot. By the time I finished high school, I had lived in about eight different homes, so I was forced to learn how to make new friends each time I was uprooted. It was scary having to attend a new school and make new friends so many times, but in the end it made me a stronger, more confident person. It also made me realize that there are good people everywhere I happen to be.

I often talked to my mom when I was feeling nervous about making new friends. She told me that if I wanted to make a friend, I had to be a friend. To me, that meant that I needed to practice being a good friend – being compassionate, kind, forgiving, honest, etc. – which would naturally lead to fresh friendships.

My mom's advice echoes Jesus' words from the Sermon on the Mount: "do to others what you would have them do to you" (Matt 7:12 NIV). This Golden Rule is so effective because it forces us to take the focus off ourselves and give to others instead. Selflessness is a key ingredient in any good friendship.

The Message highlights the essential element of humility in friendship in a memorable way: "Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle" (Rom 12:9, 10).

So if you're concerned about having good friends or making new ones, you can pray about it and look for opportunities throughout your day to "play second fiddle"—build up others' confidence and lovingly support them.

And rather than trying to fit in to a group, you can look for someone else who needs a friend, someone who could use support. I can guarantee you won't be lonely when you focus on happily giving to others each day.